Michael's Musings

February 3, 2011

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their in-car videos:


 1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

 2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.  They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

 3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." 

 4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

 5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

 6. "You don't know how fast you were going?  I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

 7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.  Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

 8. "Warning!  You want a warning?  O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

 9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.  Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair?  You want me to be fair?  Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota.  Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.  We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours.  So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?  You're right, we don't.  Sign here."

You have a creative day.

Michael

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February 2, 2011

It is so cold here in Austin.  I am freezing my tuchis off.

It's days like today that I wish I had a fireplace.

Except for walking the dog and going around the corner to fill my gas tank, I didn't go out yesterday and, chances are, I won't go out today.

And, I'm still cold.

The other night, Sandy and I watched a charming 1954 movie, WE'RE NO ANGELS with Humphrey Bogart, Also Ray, Peter Ustinov, Joan Bennett, Basil Rathbone and Leo G. Carroll.  I've seen it several times, including in the theater when it first was released, and I've always enjoyed it.

It also has a nice song in it, "Sentimental Moments," which I don't believe has ever been recorded.  I've been going around humming it for the last couple of days.

Hopefully, if all goes well, I'll have some exciting news to report next week.

Keep warm and have a creative day.

Michael

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February 1, 2011

AMAZING HOME REMEDIES
 
THESE REALLY  WORK!!   I checked these out on Snopes and it's for real!


AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY  GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES  WHILE YOU  CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING  THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS.  REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER  YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE  AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT  TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY  BRING  A SMILE TO YOUR  FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STEPS.

You have a creative day.

Michael

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