Michael's Musings

January 5, 2011

A former Infantry Sergeant having served his time with the Marine Corps took a new job as a school teacher.

Just before the school year started he injured his back.  He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.  Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't even noticeable.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.

The smart-alecky punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was before trying any pranks.  

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that year.

You have a creative day.

Michael

 

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January 4, 2011

Here are a few more examples of people who breathe, but shouldn't be allowed to vote.

ONE

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker.  Now I can't get into my car.  Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries.  It's a long walk."

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

TWO

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.  One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.  What do I do?"

"Just use paper from the photocopier," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIX

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.  The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine.

The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer."

Dispatcher: "Rush him in to emergency!"

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

You have a creative day.

Michael

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January 3, 2011

I hope that everybody had a good, safe holiday weekend.

Wife Sandy, whose birthday is January 1st, and I stayed home, watched some movies and I even brought in dinner Saturday night from the Texas Roadhouse.  They make a great tasting steak at a very reasonable price.

One of the films that we watched was STONE with Robert DeNiro and Edward Norton.  It's an interesting picture, and you can read my review of it in the Best Bets on DVD site, which you can access via the Introduction section on this page.

Now, here's a joke I was sent:

An old man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery.  He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Cabrini Catholic Hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he 
was going to pay for his treatment.  She asked if he had health insurance.

He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had any money in the bank.

He replied. "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became irritated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not 
spinsters!  Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my Brother-in-Law."

You have a creative day.

Michael

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