Michael's Musings

October 28, 2011

This just might make your day a little brighter!!
 
You, who worry about Democrats versus Republicans -- relax, here is our real problem.
 
In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States.  It was pretty simple.  The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. 

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the    requirement to be a natural born citizen.  In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. 

The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"
 
Yep, these are the same kinds of 18-year-olds who are now voting in our elections!
 
THEY BREED AND WALK AMONG US.

You have a creative weekend and I'll be back on Monday.

Michael

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October 27, 2011

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.  St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer.  You're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.  Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.  After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great.  We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

-----

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.  When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.  "Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!" he whined.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer.  "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"

"Oh my God," replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex!"

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October 26, 2011

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.  However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.  She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house.  I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.  On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.  How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady!  I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens!"

You have a creative day.

Michael

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