Michael's Musings

May 5, 2011

As those of you who read this blog regularly know, I'm in the process of individually publishing my 6 non-musical one-person plays, under the collective title of The Hollywood Legends.  In fact, two of them, Carole LOMBARD and Spencer TRACY, are already for sale on Amazon and the other four should be up and ready for purchase no later than next week.

I'm also making my 2 musical one-person plays, Al JOLSON and Maurice CHEVALIER, available to potential producers in pdf manuscript format.

Tuesday night, I discovered that the sheet music for CHEVALIER, including many rare out-of-print tines, were not where they were supposed to be.  I searched the house high-and-low, but no sheet music.

It's not easy to do a musical play without sheet music.

So yesterday, I went over to our storage place and started digging through boxes of stuff.  It took me over an hour...and I screwed up my back...but I did find what I was looking for.

The sheet music was stuck in a book...along with a lot of other papers...in a sealed box that was way in the back of our unit, buried under lots of other boxes.

Ah, the joys of moving....

I took the music over to my mail/printing place and had multiple copies made of it.

As Shakespeare said: "All's well that ends well."

You have a creative day.

Michael

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May 4, 2011

HELL EXPLAINED... BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a  University  of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.  Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.


You have a creative day.

Michael

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May 3, 2011

Tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.

After approx. 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.

At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.

"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.

Whereupon the old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."


You have a creative day.

Michael

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