Michael's Musings

January 13, 2011

I've posted a review of ANIMAL KINGDOM, one of the best crime movies I've seen in some time, on the Best Bets on DVD site, accessible via the link in the Introduction section of this page.  So, please take a look.

Now, here's a joke somebody sent me that I thought was pretty good.

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual  soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."  

You have a creative day.

Michael

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January 12, 2011

I got a nice plug for MY FORTY-FIVE YEARS IN HOLLYWOOD AND HOW I ESCAPED ALIVE in the University of Washington Alumni Blog yesterday.  Please take a look.

Now, here's a joke that I was sent:

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers, and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well.

"I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays, Mom sent out her Thank You notes.

She wrote: "Milton , the house you built is so huge; I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.  Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead; I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Bob, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.  The chicken was delicious.  Thank you.

Luv Ya, Mama."

You have a creative day.

Michael

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January 11, 2011

Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security:

Terrorist Plots Discovered           0

Transvestites                              133

Hernias                                   1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases                 3,172

Enlarged Prostates                8,249

Breast Implants                   59,350

Natural Blondes                           3

You have a creative day.

Michael

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