Michael's Musings

March 31, 2011

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his  wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.  Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

"I'd like to be six again," she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.  What a day!  He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.  Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.  He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.  What a fabulous adventure! 
 
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like being six again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.  "I meant my dress size, you dummy!!!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.


You have a creative day.

Michael

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March 30, 2011

Boy, am I getting old.

I was just about to post today's blog when I realized that I was posting one that I posted 2-3 weeks ago.

What does that say about my memory?

So, here's something that, I guess, fits this situation:

Senior Texting Codes (STC)

I thought you might need help with texting your friends.  After all, the kids have all their little codes, like BFF, WTF, etc.  So here are the codes for seniors:
 
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
LWO - Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFL...CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA - Wet the Furniture Again
WTP - Where's the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!
 
 You have a creative day.

Michael

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March 29, 2011

Here's something I was recently sent.  The "I" is not me, but the guy in the joke:
 
I went to a new primary care doctor.  After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. (I just turned sixty-something.)
 
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
 
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?"
 
"Oh no," I replied.  "I'm not doing drugs, either!"
 
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
 
I said, "Not much.  My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
 
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
 
"No, I don't," I said.
 
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?"
 
 "No," I said.
 
 He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a shit?"


You have a creative day.

Michael

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