Michael's Musings

August 23, 2011

A man wonders if having  sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.  So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the  bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"

So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.  He queries the minister and receives the same reply. 

Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge.  In other words, he goes to a rabbi.

The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play."

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "If  sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."

You have a creative day.

Michael

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August 22, 2011

On October 1-2, I am going to be signing DRACULA MEETS JACK THE RIPPER & Other Revisionist Histories, as well as some of my other books and DVDs, at the Hollywood Celebrities Show at the Hilton Rosemont Hotel by O'Hare Airport in Chicago.

Other confirmed guests include Connie Francis, Dolores Hart, Clint Walker, Henry Winkler, Hugh O'Brien, Diane Baker, Millie Perkins, Barry Bostwick. Patricia Quinn, Ron Ely, Bruce Kimmel and Dawn Wells, among others.

Hopefully, I'll get chance to meet some of you there in person.

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August 19, 2011

Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now-dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere appears the Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella says, "Fairy Godmother, what are you  doing here after all these years?"

The fairy godmother replies, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you.  Is there  anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella is taken aback and overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she utters her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.  I'm living hand-to-mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension."

Instantly her rocking chair turns into solid gold.

Cinderella says, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother!"

The fairy godmother replies, "It is the least that I can do.  What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looks down at her frail body, and says, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth  I once had."

At once, her wish becomes reality, and her beautiful  young visage returns. Cinderella feels stirrings inside  her that have been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother speaks once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the  corner and says, "I wish you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly undergoes so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stands before her, he is a man so beautiful the likes of him  neither she nor the world has ever seen.

The fairy godmother says, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life."

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother is gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella look into each other's eyes. Cinderella sits, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she has ever seen.

Then Bob walks over to Cinderella, who sits transfixed  in her rocking chair, & holds her close in his young muscular arms.  He leans in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispers, "Bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off."

You have a creative weekend and I'll be back on Monday.

Michael

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