Michael's Musings

September 20, 2011

Several years ago, I wrote a 2-person play, inspired by my relationship with my son, David, when he was in his late teens.

The name of the play is PUTZ.

Back then, we came very close to doing an Equity-waiver production of PUTZ with actor Reni Santoni (Enter Laughing, Dirty Harry) doing my role.

That production fell apart, the play went on the shelf and I got busy doing other things.

Recently, I took a look at the play and, although it might need some minor updating, I'm still very pleased with it.  In fact, I'm probably going to publish it and make it available through CreateSpace, but first I'm going to do a staged reading just to see how it plays in front of an audience.

In fact, yesterday I arranged for this reading to take place at our temple here in Austin on March 10th.

That's the good news.

The bad news is that, barring something unforeseen, I am not going to publish my one-person play about Maurice Chevalier.

I'm quite proud of this musical play.  It's somewhat different in structure than the other plays in The Hollywood Legends catalog.

The problem is that, unlike with JOLSON, I do not have the live performance rights to the songs.

Don't ask!  It's a long sad story.

Until yesterday, I thought that I could still license the play for productions in cabaret-type theaters, but after I spoke to a representative at ASCAP, I learned that that is not possible.  According to this knowledgeable guy, if there is a book (i.e. a dramatic script) involved, songs have to be licensed directly from the music publishers or copyright owners...and that won't happen.

So, CHEVALIER is going back into the drawer.   :-(

You have a creative day.

Michael

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September 19, 2011

This past weekend, I spent much of my time preparing an acting edition my one-person play (Al) JOLSON for publication via CreateSpace.  It will be the 7th entry in my The Hollywood Legends series, which is available on both Amazon.com and Kindle.  In fact, you will also be able to order the paperback through your local bookstore.

I'd held off publishing this with the other six plays because JOLSON is a musical that incorporates many of the famous Jolson songs.  Some of the songs are in the public domain, but many are not.  I have the right to use the copyrighted  songs in a live performance of the play, but I do not have the right to publish the lyrics.

So, how do I publish my play without infringing on copyrights?

After talking to a lawyer at The Dramatists Guild and a couple of other people, I decided to publish the play without any lyrics.  Instead, at the point in the script when Jolson sings, I just say something like, "He sings 'April Showers'."

After all, the truth is that almost anybody who reads my play will be well familiar with the Jolson song catalog, and if an individual or a theatre group wants to produce it, I will then furnish them with a manuscript copy of the play that includes all the lyrics.

There is still some work to do, so it will be a few weeks before the published version is available for purchase.  I will let you know when.

"You ain't heard nuthin' yet!"

Have a creative day.

Michael

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September 16, 2011

The following questions were asked in last year's GED examination.

These are genuine answers from 16 year old students.  Sadly, they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon.  All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist upon?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. (At least they get to travel!)

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true!)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.  (Simple, but brilliant.)

Q How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen.)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.(WTF!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.  (This person has a career in politics awaiting!)

Q. What does "varicose" mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.  (That would work.)

Q. Give the meaning of the term "Cesarean section".
A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome .

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.  (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit!)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable!)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like tiny umbrellas.

Q. Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word "benign" mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

You have a creative weekend and I'll be back on Monday.

Michael

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