Michael's Musings

November 21, 2011

This is Thanksgiving week.  People are traveling and/or preparing for their holiday feasts.

So, rather than post stuff that people are not likely to read this week, I'm going to take a vacation, too.  I'll be back next Monday (28).

In the meantime, here are a couple of funny things that I was sent.

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.  "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day.  Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.  The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs.
 
"Why, that's amazing," the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The Irishman nodded. "I'll tell you though, by jaesuz,  I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day."
 
"From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
 
"No, from the skipping."
 
************

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says: "Well, that's great....that's just great.  Some asshole's got my pen!"

You have a creative week.  I will see you next Monday.

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November 18, 2011

Last night, I had an epiphany with regard to the 2012 election, and I want to put it down in writing so that, if it comes to pass, I will be considered a political sage.

:-)

Please forget if you are a Democrat or Republican and, if possible, try to consider what I'm about to say from a non-political viewpoint.

It occurred to me last night that this upcoming election might very well mirror the Presidential election of 1968.  Certainly many of the events and players of today parallel the 1968 election's history.

Let's look at the similarities:

1. In both 1968 and today, the US was/is involved in unpopular wars (Vietnam and Iraq/Afghanistan).

2. The Democratic party in power had/has passed social programs that are disliked by much of the electorate (The Great Society and Obamacare).

3. There were/are violent protests in the streets of America (Vietnam and Occupy Wall Street).

4. There was/is a strong moderate candidate for the Republican nomination (Nelson Rockefeller and Mitt Romney), plus a more conservative candidate, but one who had/has significant "baggage" (Richard Nixon and Newt Gingrich).

We all know who won the 1968 Presidential election

[For those of you who might be appearing on Jay Leno's "Jaywalking," it was Nixon.]

History has a way of repeating itself.  If, indeed, it does, then perhaps the next occupant of the White House might be Newt Gingrich.

Hmmm....

You have a creative weekend and I will be back on Monday.

Michael

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November 17, 2011

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
 
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
 
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
 
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
 
"Well, then, you can come with me to my  house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
 
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with  me.  They are over there, under that tree."
 
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
 
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
 
"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
 
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
 
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind.  Thank you for taking all of us with you."
 
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it....

"You'll really love my place....

"The grass is almost a foot high."

****
 
 Come on now.  You really didn't think there was such a thing as a heartwarming lawyer story, did you?

You have a creative day.

Michael

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