Michael's Musings

April 8, 2011

The year is 2016 and the United States has elected a woman, Susan Goldfarb, as the first Jewish president.

She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"

"I don't think so.  It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again."

"Don't worry about it Mom.  I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home.  And a limousine will pick you up at your door."
 
"I don't know.  Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I  wear?"

"Oh Mom," replies Susan, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom- made by the best designer in New York."

"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."

The President-elect responds, "Don't worry Mom.  The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way.  Mom, I really want you to come."

So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States.  In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her. "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?"

The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do."

Mom says proudly, "Her brother is a doctor."

You have a creative weekend, and I'll be back on Monday.

Michael
 

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April 7, 2011

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.

A man and wife were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.  Suddenly, the man said: "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
 
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" the wife asked.
 
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff."
 
She looked at him and said: "What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?"
 
You have a creative day.

Michael

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April 6, 2011

I laughed out loud when I first read this:

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas  and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there," as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.  On any land !!

"No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear.  Do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs: "Your badge, show him your BADGE!!"

You have a creative day.

Michael

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